Five Stages of Grief During Michigan Spring

The 7 colloquially-accepted stages of spring in Michigan:
1. Winter
2. Fake spring
3. Second winter ←you are here
4. Spring of deception
5. Third winter
6. The pollening
7. Actual spring

Denial
No, no, no. This can’t be happening. We grilled burgers last night. My kids haven’t worn their winter coats in three days. Yesterday I saw a robin. A ROBIN. Maybe you’ve heard of it? Harbinger of spring? Orange-breasted emissary of hope? Conveyer of a new day after winter’s long night? If Robbie says it’s spring, it simply cannot be snowing today. I will ignore the forecast. I will ignore the wintery view out my window. I will ignore the fact that I’ve been in a relationship with a noncommittal boyfriend named Michigan Spring for 38 years and am still begging to DTR (define the relationship).

Anger
A pox on your head, second winter, with your sleet and smug return to subarctic temps. I AM BELEAGUERED. I AM COLD. Even though I should expect these kinds of bipolar seasonal shifts, I somehow never do. This is a travesty. This is egregious. What kind of bass-ackwards, upside-down world has kids squirting each other with water guns one day and battling through snowstorms the next? What is real? What is true? Every time I get in my car, the opposite temperature of the air I want to feel is blasting out of the vents because apparently I existed in a completely different climate 12 hours ago. People can’t live this way.

Bargaining
Ok, you’re right. What did I expect? This happens every spring and I’m, like, totally chill about it. Five stars. No notes. I won’t rock the boat or think I deserve any kind of consistency. But let’s make a deal. I promise to stop complaining about the weather—at least some of the time—if you just give us another day in the 60s. I won’t say a thing when I send the kids to school in their parkas (because it’s 25 degrees) and they return to me in the afternoon as red-faced sweat-buckets with their pants rolled up to their knees (because it’s 55). We can ride the wave of 30-degree temperature fluctuations together! Just please don’t take away the sun.

Depression
Now is the winter of my discontent. I. give. up. The snow is blowing sideways and everything hurts and I’m dying. My skin will retain its ghostly pallor and my kids will wrestle on the couch like feral hyenas because it’s too cold to play outside. Now, my only job is to huddle under a heated blanket, eat ice cream, and drown in existential despondency while icy winds blow the sand toys away. I’ll never be warm again. I shall return to my SAD mole-person ways. As the prodigious words of Linkin Park say, “I tried so hard and got so far; in the end, it doesn’t even matter.”

Acceptance
The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus taught that “The only constant thing in life is change.” He’s no Linkin Park frontman, but I suppose there’s wisdom in both alternative rock and Greek philosophy. No season lasts forever—even though second, third, and possibly fourth winter seem to. In this liminal time of hunkering down and wearing three pairs of socks, there is permission to slow down. To ease up. To let the soft animal of my body love what it loves (furry blankets, hot drinks, simple carbohydrates). I didn’t plan to shave my legs or get any exercise this month anyway. Maybe second winter, with its uniform of fleece pants and shapeless sweatshirts, is more of a gift than I realized. 

(But  I will still open the sunroof every time temps go over 40, because no one knows how to live in hope quite like a Midwesterner.)

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Written alongside the lovely women in my writing group. For more words about spring and growth, check out A Blessing for the First Warm Days by Kim Knowle-Zeller, How do you pinpoint growth? by Erin Strybis, Losing my hair by Fay Gordon, and Hanami by Melissa Kutsche.

Those Lazy-Hazy-Crazy Days of … March!?

Oh hey, in case you haven’t heard, the weather in Michigan is going crazy.

This was the temperature two days ago, on MARCH 19. This was only at 12 noon. It went up from there. To 85 degrees.

March, a month that usually brings light snow flurries, gradual warming (to the 40s/50s), and the fleeting promise of spring has plopped us smack into summer.

For the past week, temperatures have been in the 70s and 80s. Wednesday’s high was one the warmest ever recorded in West Michigan in the month of March. Phew.

Even though a small part of me feels like the world is going to end in a apocalyptic ball of global warming, I have emerged from a long winter hibernation desperate to soak up as much “summer” as humanly possible. The hammock is out, my skin is rosy (from a long nap taken in aforementioned hammock), and all of our meals take place on the deck. From this vantage point, it’s easy to see that everything is turning green.

I know that this is wrong, wrong, wrong. This can’t last. Something in the universe has gotten out of whack and we’ll probably get a blizzard in the middle of June. I half expect to see a plague of locusts or frogs spring forth from the earth.

The cows are confused. Most of our girls haven’t even shed their fluffy winter fur yet. They are hot and bothered, but fortunately the Dairy Man turned on our big fans to cool things down. There was talk of a frozen daiquiri bar, but Dairy Man wants to try the fans first.

The heat wave has also allowed us to get a jump start on Manure Mania 2012. Bum bum bum. The Dairy Man doesn’t call it that, but I added a name to the annual process to lend some drama and flair. I’ll provide more details on this odorous undertaking in a future post, but all you need to know at this point is that warm weather = manure spreading. All day, every day. Our two orange tractors work the pavement from dawn till dusk. Pit to field, pit to field, pit to field. The goal? To empty our manure pits before the real craziness of spring starts.

We’re not the only ones. Dozens of farmers’ tractors are motoring around the countryside and the scent of spring is upon us. The Dairy Man says it smells like success. I say it smells like, well… poo. Agree to disagree.

I know the summer-March won’t last forever. The earth will figure this out and I’ll go back to light sweaters and boots. But until then, we will haul, cool the cows, and spend time outside with the pups.

I just hope we can get him back inside.